the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
