just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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