im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
