Duck Duck Cougar?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
