Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
