I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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