Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
