So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
