I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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