So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
