I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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