Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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