Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
