I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
