Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
