2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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