those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
