Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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