sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize