We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
