I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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