It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
