he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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