i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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