I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
