at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
