just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
