I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
