yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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