return my video game
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she told me i tasted like america
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
