Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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