video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
