drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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