she looked like the bat from fern gully.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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