Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
