the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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