You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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