plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
