We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need a burrito and a hug.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My life is pants optional.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
