Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
