are you so shy because you have an std?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
