Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
