is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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