Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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