Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
