any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
