Betty ford says i'm here all night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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