it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
