idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
