Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
