I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
