I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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