Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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