My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i have herpe
just one?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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