oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
