CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
