you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're like the curious george of whores
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
