shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
