i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
