i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
