Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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