I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize