dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
