So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
