Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
