Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize