I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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