I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
