The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
