The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
