yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
BRING THE BAGELS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
