I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she pinky promised me she was 18
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
