He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
