I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
