you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
