hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
