This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
