Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
