If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
